Expressing your emotions is better than suppressing them
Express versus suppress
When do you express your emotions and when do you suppress them? There are social standards in every corner of our lives, all over the world. Social standards are necessary, since you need a framework as a guideline for respectful communication. We need them as much as we need traffic rules: it’s going to be a mess without these rules. But what do you do when this social framework gets in your way emotionally? You need to navigate this.
Keep it safe
You need to keep it safe for both you and the other person you are talking to in order to reach him. When you suppress what you feel over and over again, there is a risk you’ll be too firm when you finally do express yourself. Therefore, it will be overwhelming for the other person, and he won’t be able to hear your message. Instead, he will start to defend himself, which is a natural thing to do. It happens before you know it: fight or flight.
Fight or flight, or …
When you hear something you don’t like, you can fight (read: defend yourself) or flee (walk away, walking out of the conversation). We are all the same, we human beings. Nevertheless, we ACT differently. One has different backgrounds, different social standards and thus different associations, both consciously and unconsciously. What if you don’t fight or flee? What else can you do? We can stick to the feeling we have and express it within the space of the general social standards. Yes, you can, even though it might be a challenge.
At this moment, I invite you to exercise an expression of emotions in such a way that you’ve done your best to keep it safe for whom you’re speaking to. Let that person stay safe enough to hear your message. Whether he wants to listen to it or not is another matter. Most of the time, it will be about something you want and don’t get. No, I’m not only talking about material things. I also talk about the immaterial world.
When a child yells for candy, it’s not only about the taste of it. It also concerns the feeling it gives. When you are used to comforting your child after they have hurt themselves, the child will make a lifetime connection within its brain: “When I hurt myself, I get a sweet.” They might destroy themselves over and over again, without remembering this underlying reason and meaning. They might eat too many candies to comfort themselves, not only when he’s been hurt physically, but , sadly enough, also when he is hurt emotionally. It can be an unconscious vicious circle.
Core Value Talk
Once again, I would like to invite you to study “Fully in Tune’s” Core Values. Why? It is important to learn how to express yourself safely, so it will be effective. If not, why bother with what you express. The “Core Values” are guidelines for your inner work and the work you do for yourself in this world. They bring awareness, empower your communications and are a reliable tool for private coaching. What more can you ask for?
An emotionally healthy person can express his feelings in a way that keeps the other person feeling safe so that he will hear the message. Exercise it. Become emotionally healthy. Good luck!
Keep it simple,